Monday. November 18. 2024
  HOME NEWS FANFICTION FAQ FORUM CONTACT
Login
Username:

Password:


Lost Password?

Register now!
Main Menu
Featured Story
ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
Who's Online
35 user(s) are online (35 user(s) are browsing Fanfiction)

Members: 0
Guests: 35

more...


Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 305 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 1, Scene 7
Scene VII

Carcharoth enters, looking back towards where Beren exited.

Carchar:
There he goes! To think how entirely my future enjoyment is wrapped up in that little morsel! Really, it hardly seems worthwhile! Oh, delectation! —

Sauron and Maglor enter separately, glaring at each other.

Carchar:
Now then, what is it? Can't you see I'm soliloquizing? You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir!

Maglor:
I am the bearer of a letter from his Majesty the Elf Ruler.

He hands it over and retreats to convenient eavesdropping distance.

Carchar:
(taking it from him nervously) A letter from the Elf Ruler! What in the world can he have to say to me? (Reads letter.) Ah, here it is at last! I thought it would come sooner or later! The Elf Ruler is struck by the fact that no devourings have taken place in Middle Earth for a year, and declares that if it remains this quiet, he will advance his rangers within one month, and the girdle of Melian will enshroud my very lair!

Sauron:
But that will involve us all in irretrievable ruin!

Carchar:
Yes. There is no help for it, I shall have to bite the head off somebody at once. The only question is, who shall it be?

Sauron:
Well, it seems unkind to say so, but as he as already lost all respect for your menace, everything seems to point to you.

Carchar:
To me? What are you talking about? I can't bite my own head off.

Sauron:
Why not?

Carchar:
Why not? Because, in the first place, self-decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt; and, in the second, it's an attack on Morgoth’s Hound – which will bring his wrath.

Sauron:
That is so, no doubt.

Maglor: (aside)
We might reserve that point.

Sauron:
True, it could be argued six months hence, before the Great Lord.

Carchar:
Besides, I don't see how a wolf can bite off his own head.

Sauron:
A wolf might try.

Maglor: (encouragingly, from his side of the stage)
Even if you only succeeded in cutting it half off, that would be something.

Sauron:
It would be taken as an earnest of your devouring skill.

Carchar:
No. Pardon me, but there I am adamant. As official Devourer, my reputation is at stake, and I can't consent to embark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a successful result.

Sauron:
This professional conscientiousness is highly creditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position.

Carchar:
My good sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace itself compared with that of a beast engaged in the act of biting off his own head.

Maglor:
I am afraid that, unless you can obtain a substitute —

He jabs his thumb at Sauron.

Carchar:
A substitute? Oh, certainly — nothing easier. (To Sauron.) Sauron, I appoint you Lord High Substitute.

Sauron:
I should be delighted. Such an appointment would realize my fondest dreams. But no, at any sacrifice, I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition!

Sauron:
I am so proud,
If I allowed
My Maia pride
To be my guide,
I'd face the wrath
Of Doriath
Instead of you
In a minute or two,
But Maia pride
Must be denied,
And set aside,
And mortified,
And mortified.

Carchar:
My mighty jaws
Enforce the laws
From Morgoth’s hand
In all Angband
In all Angband
But if I died,
What I provide
In might and fear
Would disappear!
Now every thrall,
Both great and small,
Should give his all
At Morgoth’s call.

Maglor:
I heard one day
From Lord Orome
That animals who
Are bit in two
In strong jaws’ press
Lose consciousness,
And so are slain –
Are slain without much pain.
If this is true,
It's jolly for you;
Your courage screw
To bid us adieu.

As the song ends, Sauron and Maglor exit separately.
Pages: « 1 ... 3 4 5 6 (7) 8 9 10 11 ... 18 »
URL: http://borderland.waking-vision.com/modules/article/view.article.php/c43/85
Trackback: http://borderland.waking-vision.com/modules/article/trackback.php/85
Rate
10987654321

The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content.



Powered by XOOPS 2.0 © 2001-2003. Tolkien created The Lord of the Rings. This website is an hommage and has no intention of earning money with these stories. Please see stories for additional disclaimers. Design by 7dana.com, modified by Michelle.