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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 305 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 1, Scene 3
Scene III

The Chorus of Elves runs across the stage in a panic.

Chorus:
Behold the Most Brutal Devourer
A character much famed in song and story —
A powerful and potent animal
Whose functions are particularly gory!
Defer, defer,
To the the Most Brutal Devourer!
Defer, defer,
To the mighty Wolf, to the mighty Wolf,
To the Most Brutal Devourer!

Carcharoth strides in, attended by orcs. He wears a shaggy wolfskin and a ridiculously oversized wolf mask with giant teeth.

Carchar:
Taken from the Angband pen
By a set of curious chances;
Nourished on the flesh of men,
And similar sustinances;
Set free by my Master again,
While his master plan advances,
I may roam in moor and fen,
As a puppy proudly prances;
If my master calls me, then --
Fiery gleam my canine glances,
Like a whirlwind in the glen
My attack stuns and entrances.

He addresses the orcs as they fawn on him.

Carchar:
Angbandhim, I'm much touched by this reception. I can only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a continuance of those favors, which it will ever be my study to deserve. If I should ever be called upon to act devouringly, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large.

The orcs cheer at this, and Carcharoth strides to the front of the stage to sing.

Carchar:
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of Noldorin-type offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who live in Doriath —
All people who think water means it’s time to take a bath —
All Elvenkind that mob our gates, and sting you with their bows —
All persons who may help them out, or persons helping those —
And all the creatures who on boring liberties insist —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

Orcs as Chorus:
He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.
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