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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 296 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 1, Scene 2
Scene II

Sauron enters, dressed as a wealthy noble. He walks past Luthien, sneering, while she continues to digest the news she has just received. She pulls her disguise more closely around herself. The Elves cower back.

Luthien:
Carchar, the hound, the Most Cruel Devourer! Why, that’s the cruelest role a minion of Morgoth can play.

Sauron [disdainfully]:
Mighty Lord Morgoth has appointed him both judge and executioner.

Luthien:
But how good of you (for I see that you are a Maiar of the highest rank) to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere passing vampire!

Sauron:
Don't mention it. I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Laurelin ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a sustained chord in the Music of the Ainur. Consequently, my pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my pride continually. When all the great officers of Angband resigned in a body because they were too proud to serve under a low werewolf, did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?

Maglor [aside]:
And the salaries attached to them? You did.

Sauron:.
It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Kennels, Necromancer Extraordinaire, Archbishop of Middle-Earth, and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a salary! A Maia paid for his services! I a salaried minion! But I do it! It revolts me, but I do it!

Luthien:
And it does you credit.

Sauron:
But I don't stop at that. I go and kidnap Secondborn people on reasonable terms. I reign at cheap suburban dungeons for a moderate fee. I accept obeisance at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure. For instance, any further information about Beren would come under the head of a State secret.

Luthien takes his hint, and gives him money.

Sauron [aside]:
Another insult and, I think, a light one!

Sauron puffs himself up and sings, with great grimacing and gesticulation.

I say, despair,
Likewise go to,
Barahir’s heir
Is not for you.
It will not do:
I'm sorry for you,
You night-skulking, fluttering cowerer!
This very day,
Past here the man
Will wend his way,
By Morgoth’s plan,
And Sauron’s law
To the bloodstained maw,
Of Carcharoth Devourer!
And the teeth will crash,
And the blood will gout,
With a crimson splash
In a gory spout.
He’ll fall to the overpowerer,
Namely, the Most Cruel Devourer!

He sings louder and louder, eventually driving her off the stage. He follows her, still singing.
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