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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 305 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 2, Scene 2
Scene II

[Carchar joins them. Beren and Luthien separate and watch him anxiously.]

Carchar:
(to Beren) My meal — my poor meal! (aside) How shall I break it to him? (aloud) My little feast that was to have been —

Beren:
(delighted) Was to have been?

Carchar:
Yes, you never can be mine!

Beren and Luthien look at each other in delight.

Luthien:
What!

Beren:
I'm so glad!

Carchar. I've just ascertained that, by Bauglir’s law, when an Adan of the house of Beor enters his borders, an alarm sounds. The Man and all of his companions are then immured in the dungeons of Angband.

Luthien & Beren:
Immured!

Carchar:
Until you die. It's a most unpleasant death.

Luthien:
But whom did you get that from?

Carchar:
Oh, from Sauron. He's my Advisor.

Beren:
But he may be mistaken!

Carchar:
So I thought; so I consulted the Attorney General, the Lord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, the Judge Ordinary, and the Lord Chancellor. They're all of the same opinion. Never knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life!

Luthien:
But stop a bit! This alarm has never been put to the test.

Carchar:
Not yet. You see, no Adan has ever gotten beyond the border guard without being caught and tortured to death.

Luthien:
Well, I suppose I may take it that our plan as it stands must be discarded!

Beren:
Darling — I don't want to abandon you, since I love you with all my heart — I don't suppose I shall ever have a better chance to fulfill my oath — but when I agreed that you could come with me — my own — I had no idea — that I should be caught instantly and be buried alive there!

Luthien:
Nor I! It's the very first I've heard of it!

Beren:
You see the difficulty I face if I let you come with me, don't you?

Luthien:
Yes, and I see my own. If I allow you to carry out your promise, I doom you to a hideous death; if I release you, we may never marry!

Beren:
Here's a puzzle cruel!
If we seek the jewel,
When my time has come to perish,
Then the maiden that I cherish
Must be slaughtered, too!
Here's a puzzle cruel!
Here's a puzzle cruel!

Luthien:
Here's a pretty mess!
We must part unless
We complete the deed you swore to!
Though there’s nothing I’d love more to,
We’re trapped, I confess,
Here's a pretty mess!
Here's a pretty mess!

Carchar:
(going up to Luthien) My poor bat, I'm really very sorry for you.

Luthien:
Thanks, old fellow. I'm sure you are.

Carchar:
You see I'm quite helpless.

Luthien:
I quite see that.

Carchar:
I can't conceive anything more distressing than to have one's plans broken off at the last moment. But you shan't be disappointed of his blooding — you shall watch me dine.

Luthien:
It's awfully kind of you, but that's impossible.

Carchar:
Why so?

Luthien:
To-day I die.

Carchar:
What do you mean?

Luthien:
Rather than be parted from my destined prey, I shall use my powers to dissolve us both.

Carchar:
No, no — pardon me — I can't allow that.

Luthien:
Why not?

Carchar:
Why, hang it all, you're both under contract to die by the hand of the Most Cruel Devourer before the elven host! If you kill yourself, what's to become of me? Why, I shall have to be devoured in your place!

Luthien:
It would certainly seem so!
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