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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 306 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 2, Scene 9
Act 2, Scene IX

Flourish. Enter Thingol, attended by Maglor and Court.

Thingol:
Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite ready. Have all the painful preparations been made?

Maglor:
Your Majesty, all is prepared.

Thingol:
Then produce the unfortunate gentleman and his foul-seeming and misguided accomplices.

Enter Carcharoth, Celegorm, Sauron, and Baragund. Carcharoth and Celegorm throw Baragund at Thingol's feet once more; Sauron adopts an arrogant pseudo-grovel.

Celegorm:
Mercy! Mercy for Carchar! Mercy for Baragund! Mercy even for Sauron!

Thingol:
I beg your pardon, I don't think I quite caught that remark.

Sauron:
(wincing through his sneer) Mercy even for Sauron.

Celegorm:
Mercy! Since the girl that I was to have loved is slain, now I have just adopted this miserable cur.

Thingol:
Oh! You've not been long about it!

Carchar:
I’m an elf-hound now; ask the Registrar.

Sauron:
I am the Registrar.

Thingol:
I see. But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the Heir Apparent –

Enter Luthien and Beren. They kneel.

Luthien:
The Heir Apparent is not slain.

Thingol:
Bless my heart, my child!

Beren:
And your son-in-law elected!

Celegorm:
(seizing Carcharoth) Bad dog! You have deceived me!

Thingol:
Yes, you are entitled to a little explanation, but I think he will give it better whole than in pieces.

Carchar:
Your Majesty, it's like this: It is true that I stated that I had killed Luthien –

Thingol:
Yes, with most affecting particulars.

Sauron:
Merely corroborative detail intended to give artistic verisimilitude to a bald and –

Carchar:
Will you refrain from putting in your oar? (to Thingol) It's like this: When great Morgoth says, "Let a thing be done," it's as good as done – practically, it is done – because the Vala's will is law. The Vala says, "Kill an intruder," and an intruder is told off to be killed. Consequently, that intruder is as good as dead – practically, she is dead – and if she is dead, why not say so?

Thingol:
I see. Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory!

Baragund: (addressing Thingol)
See how they return from Angband –

Chorus:
Angband!

Baragund:
Your anger pray bury,
For all will be merry,
And yield to the Atan her hand –

Chorus:
And – and.

Baragund:
And join our expressions of glee!

Carchar: (to Celegorm)
Though her brideprice just cost him a hand –

Chorus:
Hand – hand!

Carchar:
Your protests, though many,
Are not worth a penny,
Nor a jewel that burns like a brand –

Chorus:
Brand – brand!

Carchar:
You've a very good bargain in me.

Chorus:
Though her brideprice just cost him a hand –
Hand – hand!
For the jewel that burns like a brand –
Brand – brand!
You'll find there are many
Who'll swear for a penny,
Who'll swear for a penny,
That you cannot thwart their destiny,
That you cannot thwart their destiny,
That there’s no thwarting, thwarting destiny,
That there’s no thwarting, thwarting destiny,
Destiny, destiny, destiny, destiny.

Luthien:
The threatened cloud has passed away,

Beren:
And brightly shines the dawning day;

Luthien
What though the night may come too soon,

Beren:
We've years and years of afternoon!

Beren, Finrod, Baragund, Luthien, Thingol & Chorus:
Then peace is here
Gone is war,
Elves safely cheer
And fear no more.
Then peace is here
Gone is war,
Elves safely cheer
And fear no more.
Elves safely cheer
And fear no more,
Elves safely cheer.

Beren & Luthien:
With joyous shout, with joyous shout from elf and man,
Let’s celebrate, oh celebrate the Valar’s plan!

Chorus joins in:
With joyous shout
From elf and man,

With joyous, joyous shout
With laughing song and merry dance,
With laughing song and merry dance,
With song and dance.

The curtain falls as they sing and dance.
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