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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 296 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 2, Scene 4
Scene IV

Thingol, the Elf Ruler of Doriath, enters, surrounded by his guard and retinue, including the Chorus. Celegorm, accompanies him, sour-faced and in full armor.

Chorus:
Mae govannen, mae govannen,
Edhil, lasto beth lammen!
Aran Doriathon acharn,
Hi linnathon:
Aglar Teleri, cuio annan!

Mae govannen, mae govannen,
Edhil, lasto beth lammen!
Aran Doriathon acharn,
Hi linnathon:
Aglar Teleri, cuio annan!

Thingol:
From all Teleriath
Obedience I expect;
I'm the Ruler of Doriath —

Celegorm.
And I'm his Noldo-in-law elect!
He'll marry his heir,
The elven maid fair,
To his Noldo-in-law elect.

Thingol:
My morals have been declared
Particularly correct;

Celegorm.
But they're nothing at all, compared
With those of his Noldo-in-law elect.!
Bow — Bow —
To his Noldo-in-law elect!

Chorus.
Bow — Bow —
To his Noldo-in-law elect.

Thingol:
In a fatherly kind of way
I govern, guide and protect,
All cheerfully own my sway —

Celegorm.
Except his Noldo-in-law elect.
As tough as a bone,
With a plan of his own,
Is his Noldo-in-law elect!

Thingol:
My nature is love and light —
My freedom from all defect —

Celegorm.
Is insignificant quite,
Compared with his Noldo-in-law elect!
Bow — Bow —
To his Noldo-in-law elect.

Chorus.
Bow — Bow —
To his Noldo-in-law elect.

The soldiers and the Chorus arrange themselves around the stage for Thingol’s inspection.

Thingol:
A more genteel Elf Ruler never
Did in Aman exist,
To nobody second,
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist.
It is my very genteel endeavour
To make, to some extent,
Each last trespasser
And low harasser
A source of merriment.

My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!

Advisors dull and messengers lazy,
Who linger with tardy boots,
Spend eons repentant
At conf’rences Entant
Until they put down roots.
The amateur songsters whose vocal villainies
All desire to flee,
Shall, during off-hours,
Exhibit their powers
On islands far out to sea.

The craftsman who lies and cynical merchants
Who sell inferior wares,
Are sent in their wagons
To sell to the dragons
And ravenous grizzly bears.
The idiot who, in forest passages,
Scratches his name on the trees,
Spends a year buffing
All traces of scuffing
From Menegroth on his knees.

My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
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