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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 305 Rate: 9.00/1
Act 1, Scene 6
Scene VI

Beren stands despondently. Luthien rushes in towards him, still in her vampire disguise.

Luthien:
Beren, at last we are alone! I have sought you night and day for three weeks, in the belief that had escaped from Morgoth’s minions, and I find that you are about to be eaten by one at any moment!

Beren:
Alas, yes!

Luthien:
But you do not fear him?

Beren:
Alas, no!

Luthien:
Dignified rapture! But why do you not elude him?

Beren:
What good would that do? Your father will not let us marry until I recover the divine jewel!

Luthien:
But I will wait until I am of age!

Beren:
You forget that in Aman girls do not arrive at years of discretion until they are five thousand.

Luthien:
True; from seventeen to four thousand-odd are considered years of indiscretion.

Beren:
Besides — a wandering mortal, who lays ambushes outside Dorthonion, is hardly a fitting husband for the child of the Elf Ruler of Doriath.

Luthien:
But — (aside) Shall I ask him? Yes! He will not deny me! (aloud) What if it should prove that, after all, I am no delicate lady?

Beren:
There! I was certain of it, directly I saw you dance!

Luthien:
What if it should prove that I am no other than the one who will accompany you to Angband?

Beren:
The child of the Elf Ruler! But why is your loveliness disguised? And why are you so far from your father’s realm?

Luthien:
Some months ago I had the misfortune to captivate Celegorm, an ancient Noldor at my father's Court. He misconstrued my customary affability into expressions of affection, and claimed me in marriage. My father, desperate to stop our love, ordered me to marry her within a week, or languish indefinitely on the platforms of Hirilorn. That night I fled his Court, and, assuming the disguise of a Morgoth Vampire, I wandered the land until I should find the happiness of seeing you! (approaching him)

Beren:
(retreating) If you please, I think your Highness had better not come too near. The danger I dwell in is excessively severe.

Luthien:
But we are quite alone, and nobody can see us.

Beren:
Still, that doesn't make it safe. My peril is mortal.

Luthien:
I like mortals!

Beren:
And I must fulfill my oath.

Luthien:
Deuce take your oath!

Beren:
I wish it would, but it won't!

Duet:
Luthien:
Were you not to this quest plighted,
I would say in tender tone,
"Loved one, let us be united —
Let us be each other's own!"
I would merge all rank and station,
Worldly sneers are nought to us,
And, to mark my admiration,
I would kiss you fondly thus — (Kisses him.)

Both.
I/She would kiss you/me fondly thus — (Kiss.)

Beren:
But as I'm engaged to get it,
In the iron crown embedded,
Of all jewels the most coveted,
If we did, I should regret it —

Luthien:
So, In spite of all temptation,
Such a theme I'll not discuss,
And on no consideration
Will I kiss you fondly thus —
Will I kiss you fondly thus — (Kissing him.)
Let me make it clear to you,
This is what I'll never do!
This, oh, this, (kiss)
Oh, this, (kiss)
Oh, this, — (kiss)
This is what I'll never, never do!
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