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ArWen the Eternally Surprised
Author: Ria Time: 2007/11/22
Arwen encounters a strange monk and gains a little extra time.
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Elf Ruler, a Parody
Submitter: Ria Date: 2007/8/25 Views: 299 Rate: 9.00/1
Summary: The Tale of Beren and Luthien, as performed by the Numenorean Light Opera Company, with necessary violence to Canon.

Crossover with The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan.

Rating: PG

Act 1, Scene 1
A/N: Characters and situations stolen freely from Tolkien, Gilbert and Sullivan.

The Mikado of Japan = the Elf Ruler of Doriath (Thingol)

Nanki Poo(his Son disguised as a wandering minstrel and in love with Yum Yum)=
Luthien (his daughter disguised as a vampire and in love with Beren)

Ko Ko (Lord High Executioner of Titipu) = Carcharoth (Hound of Morgoth)

Pooh Bah (Lord High Everything Else) = Sauron (Chief Minion of Morgoth)

Pish Tush (a Noble Lord) = Maglor

Yum Yum = Beren

Pitti Sing = Baragund

Peep Bo = Third Atan

Katisha (an elderly Lady, in love with Nanki Poo) = Celegorm (son of Feanor, in love with Luthien)

Act I: The Courtyard of Carcharís official Residence in Middle-Earth.

Scene: The plains before Carcharís lair in Middle-Earth. Elves discovered sitting and standing.

If you want to know who we are,
We are gentlemen of Aman:
Or you may call us Eldar ó
Awoken before the dawn,
We figure in many lays:
Our sufferings quite amaze ó
Thatís how it is in these days, Oh!

If you think this was all planned out,
Like a Vaireian tapestry,
Permit us to banish doubt:
Itís coincident history.
Perhaps you suppose our throng
Can't keep it up all age long?
If that's your idea, you're wrong,
Oh! Oh!
If that's your idea, you're wrong.

Enter Luthien in great excitement. She wears the bat hame of Thuringwethil, but is unmistakably an Elvish princess.

Gentlemen, I pray you tell me
Where a noble Atan dwelleth,
Named Beren of Dorthonion?
In pity speak, oh speak I pray you!

An Elf:
Why, who are you who ask this question?

Come gather round me, and I'll tell you.

A wandering vampire I ó
A thing of blood and ruin,
A comrade to Dragluin,
And gloomy misery!
My list of crimes is long,
Through every passion ranging,
And with the rages changing
Of mighty Morgothís throng!
Of mighty Morgothís throng!

Do you a mighty army fear?
I'll cast a pall,
Oh, sorrow, sorrow!
Does Morgothís evil seem to near?
I'll bring it all ó
Oh, sorrow, sorrow!
I'll draw you to my arms,
Enchanted by my charms,
Youíll suffer varied harms ó
Oh, sorrow, sorrow!

And what may be your business with Beren?

Iíll tell you. A while ago I was a warder near Doriath. While discharging this delicate office, I saw Beren. We loved each other at once, but he was compelled to seek out Carchar, a hound of Thu, and I saw that our match was hopeless. Overwhelmed with despair, I spent a long time weaving this shadowy cloak. Judge of my delight when I heard, a month ago, that the Wolves of Tol-in-Gaurhoth had failed to kill him! I hurried back at once, in the hope of finding Beren at liberty to receive my affections.

It is true that Werewolves of the Sorcererís Isle failed to kill him, but another, far mightier wolf was found, and raised to the exalted rank of Most Cruel Devourer under remarkable circumstances.
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