Omake - Shamballa for Dummies
Narrator: I’m bored, so I’ll just write a fic that is bound to fry my brain cells.
Dûrinas: I’ll kill this kid and so I’ll have my own trilogy!
Beregond: No way! I want to have my own trilogy! I only appeared in one lousy book out of three!
Faramir: I appeared in just two of them.
Beregond: Stop complaining! You made it in the movies!
Dûrinas: Oh yes, I can see even now the blank stares of the FMA fan readers that will read your name.
Beregond: At least I’m a Canon Character, not some OC made up to die right about… now! (start fighting)
Dûrinas: Though we’ve already established I’m so old even my germs died of old age, I can put up a pretty good fight against a man at his prime. Yay for doping!
*clash, bang, fight*
Bergil: I died and I didn’t even have one line…
Beregond: (Darth Vader mode) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… oooh, shiny hand!
*poof*
Havoc: Lalala… I’m driving in the rain, trying to find my next victim to run over… cough, I mean, minding my own business. Argh! A bear!
*crash*
Al: Allow us to establish in a single page as many characters as possible. I’m the gentle younger brother.
Ed: I’m the constantly pissed older brother.
Riza: I’m the stoic henchwoman.
Ed: And let’s say for the record that Roy Mustang’s a bastard.
Al, Riza: And there you have it.
Maes: Wow, my first appearance and I’m not shoving pics of my family to anyone.
Ed: I’m just waiting for Roy to give me a reason to pummel him.
Roy: There’s a wacko on the loose killing women just so I could have a reason to call you here. He’s wearing armour, making it convenient for us to either blame Al or some random dude Havoc ran over. Which one would you rather have us do?
Ed: *fume*
Roy: Random dude Havoc ran over it is then.
Beregond: Don’t mind me, I’ll just be here pulling my best Harrison Ford in “About Henry” impersonation. *drool*
Roy: We need to form a strategy. This will have to be done through careful planning and much talk between us so nothing goes wrong.
Maes: Agreed.
Roy: So… (points at Maes, Havoc, and Al) you, you and you take turns in guarding random dude and Ed comes with me.
Beregond: That last part somehow sounds wrong.
Everyone: *stare*
Beregond: I mean… *drool*
Beregond: *drool*…
Al, Havoc, Maes: This is worse than doing social work.
Fawcette: I’m just an OC thrown in the mix because there’s no real villain coming up for while.
Roy: I’m here to show how good a commanding officer I am comparing to him and the other Original Villainous Character.
Ed: And I’m running around to find someone who won’t appear before the big emo moment anyway. Oh, here it is! *angsts big time*
Beregond: Keep it down, I’m trying to sleep here!
Al: *stare*
Beregond: Damn… cover blown.
Roy: Time to get some answers. Name?
Beregond: I like chocolate milk.
Roy: Oookay. Surname.
Beregond: I like chocolate milk!
Roy: Yes, I kind of cut that before.
Beregond: Can I have some chocolate milk?
Roy: What do I look like, your mother?
Beregond: Can I have some chocolate milk?
Roy: Doooooooooc! This weird guy wants some chocolate milk!
Doc: He can have some, he’s not lactose intolerant! And now, since I need the bed and he can move about on his own, you can all bugger off.
Beregond: I hate golden medallions. Hey… this one’s nice. It’s mine… my own… my precioussss…
Roy: It’s time to conspire! Ed, I choose you!
Ed: *grumble*
Roy: What was that?
Ed: Nothing, nothing…
Beregond: What to do, what to do… Oh, I know. I’ll start singing “one hundred bottles hanging on the wall” to kill time.
Roy: Argh! No! Anything but that!
Ed: (grabs Beregond) That’s it! You’re coming with me! Anything to stop that singing!
Al: (checks out Beregond) Well… he’s not cute, he’s not furry, I can’t cuddle him or pet him… but I guess he’ll do.
Beregond: And now for some toilet humour.
Ed, Al: Eeeeeeeeew!
Beregond: Worked like a charm.
Alice: Cliché no 1 … kids always know to trust the good guys.
Librarian: Watch out for me. I’ll even get a name at the next instalment.
Beregond: (makes puppy eyes)
Al: Awwww… he is cute! (scratches Beregond’s head)
Ed: *groan*
Maes: Blah, blah, blah… murderer conveniently mentioned for foreshadowing… blah…
Ed: Time for some angst. I’ll be in my room sulking and refusing to speak of my dark past.
Al: Even though I’m here and can tell everything anyway.
Ed: D’oh!
Roy: I’m reminding everyone of the existence of two Original Villainous Characters that the readers should be worried about them — even if the Original Villainous Characters hardly do anything but just whine how everything isn’t going their way.
Al: Leave my pet alone!
Ed: Leave Al’s pet alone!
Horse: Cliché no 2 … animals always know to trust the good guys.
Beregond: It’s been two weeks and I speak fluent Amestrian, even though it took me about 7 months to say just one word. There’s got to be some rational explanation.
Narrator: Got bored making you sound like a dork.
Beregond: I knew it.
Fuery: Falman and I are thrown in the mix to provide comic relief — or are we? *laughs maniacally*
Narrator: You’re manga-based, not psycho!
Fuery: (straightens glasses) Sorry.
Beregond: Lalala… I’m cleaning and do some male-male bonding, without minding the oxymoron of the situation… Ah! Alchemy! Teh ebul!!!!111!!!
Ed: No, it’s good alchemy! I’m a good guy, see? I’ll even reveal to you my dark past to show you how good I am.
Beregond: Soooo, because you thought you were good in Alchemy, you created a Frankenstein monster and you and your brother got your bodies maimed?
Ed: Yes.
Beregond: Sweet! I want to learn Alchemy too!
Ed, Al: Yay!
Beregond: Even though I can sit around the apartment all day, enjoying my retirement days away from strenuous, life-threatening work — I go get a job as a soldier anyway. Next thing I know, I’m gonna have to start studying for school and… HOLY SKUNKSWEAT! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Riza: Never object to a madman, they always say.
Guyton: Gahahahahahaha! *gets pwned*
Everyone: *cheer*
Beregond: Can I be part of the military too, even though I don’t know first thing about guns and contemporary basic training? And I also have some secret past I don’t want to reveal?
Roy: Sure! Just study a lot!
Beregond: Score!
Ed: Thirsty… water…
Beregond: (on just his boxers, a shirt and sunglasses and holding a broom for microphone) Don't try to take me to a disco/ You'd never even get me out on the floor/ In ten minutes I'll be late for the door/ I like that old time a-rock 'n' roll…
Ed: Not so thirsty anymore! (closes door in horror)
Beregond: Lalala… Roy Mustang gave his little black book to several high-ranking officers and now I’m two ranks above than I should be and working happily as Ed’s secretary.
Riza: Bereg–
Beregond: YOU WERE DEAD AND I WAS DEPRESSED — YOUR SISTER WANTED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!
Riza: *blink*
Havoc: I now get a promotion from comic relief to thoughtful guy who’s actually capable of offering good advice to despairing main characters. Go me!
Beregond: Even though I’m smart enough and claim I’m suffering from amnesia to avoid questions, I’m stupid enough to start telling of my past to Ed. *facepalm*
Fawcette: I haven’t met any worse apes than you.
Beregond: I see you haven’t attended your family reunion.
Fawcette: *fume*
Roy: Heh, what do you know. Messing with the time continuum has started having results. Here’s your letter-of-convenient-plot-device, Fullmetal.
Beregond: Superman has kryptonite, I have trains and cars. (screams like a girl and runs away)
May Shaughnessy: Though I seem pointless, I offer the key to foreshadowing and revelations! *laughs maniacally*
Ed, Al, Beregond: *stare*
May Shaughnessy: Sorry.
Al: Blah, blah… Philosopher’s Stone… foreshadowing… angst…
Ed: I look around for any clue on the Philosopher’s Stone, even though I normally wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole what the bastard of a father handled.
Beregond: Well, you and Al had your share of angst. It’s time for my own.
Ed and Al: Heh, you’re as screwed up as us. Join the club.
Beregond: Woot! Where do I sign?
Lust: Finally! We’ve made an appearance!
Envy: I’m so happy that I won’t kill Cray, even though he discovered that his priest is a hoax!
Gluttony: Can I eat him instead?
Envy and Lust: Sure!
Gluttony: Yay! (chomp, chomp)
Maes: I’m finally showing I’m not just a daughter-obsessed parent.
Roy: I’m finally showing that I’m not just a power hungry hyena with a god-complex.
Maes: Ed said that?
Roy: How’d you guess?
Ed, Al and Beregond: We were in the north and we’ve practically teleported in less than a chapter to the East, looking for Marcoh. Yay for scene economy.
Ed: Wait, I see some sparkles! Hide!
Armstrong: *sparkle*
Beregond: Oooh… shiny… *follows hypnotised*
Marcoh: Though I’m an angsty doctor with a traumatized past, I’m ready to shoot at a kid.
Al: Ack! Gun! Hey, wait a min…
Ed: I want your research, Dr. Marcoh!
Marcoh: Life sucks. Can’t help you.
Ed: Fine, if you’re going to be that way… LOOK BEHIND YOU, A THREE-HEADED MONKEY! *grabs vial* Oh, damn, butterfingers…
Narrator: There was already a villainous Brigadier General and I had to make one up! *facepalm*
Grand: Allow me to say every trivia there’s about the Philosopher’s stone.
Ed: Does that mean you will help me find it?
Grand: As if!
Scar: Even though the time continuum has been messed up, I still somehow manage to appear right about the same time canon dictates. *pwns Grand*
Ed, Marcoh, Al: RUN AWAY!
Armstrong: *sparkle* I’ll make the dynamic appearance that has been handed down in my family for generations!
Beregond: Cool! Can I watch?
(Ed grabs Beregond and they all run off)
Beregond: *grumble* Party-spoiler…
Marcoh: Blah, blah… Ishbal War… angst… red stone… more angst… blah, blah…
Ed: Allow me to say my first words of wisdom.
Al: Allow me to show how much I care for my brother.
Beregond: Allow me to say to Marcoh what a big meanie he is for not sharing life-threatening secrets.
Scar: Surprise!
Ed: And now cliché no. 3… Send away the sidekicks.
Scar: MORTAL KOMBAT!
Al: *pwned*
Ed: *pawned*
Beregond: Cliché no 4… Sidekick returns and saves the day! (fights Scar)
Ed: Cliché no. 5… or gets killed.
Beregond: Crap. *pwned*
Scar: (looks around) Helloooooo! I’m killing some people here and I’m doing it on purpose! Where’s cliché no 6?
Roy: Cavalry’s here! And the first one that cracks a joke about my choice of words will be flambéd.
Random soldier: Mufufufu… he said the cavalry’s here when his name is…
(Random soldier goes up in flames)
Riza: Time for some girl power!
Marcoh: Time to mess with the time continuum again. *leaves the scene*
Ed: Time to show that I’m not all that resentful to Mustang.
Roy: Time to show my so-noble-it’s-sickening inner plan.
Ed: Oh, damn… Beregond seems in a bad condition… Who cares, I have a train to catch!
Armstrong: I’m coming with you, Edward Elric! *sparkles*
Ed: Somehow I miss Beregond… *facepalm*
Marcoh: Safe at last!
Lust: The time continuum didn’t get that messed up, my dear Dr. Marcoh! *pwns*
Marcoh: Then I call upon the manga-continuum. I tell you what you want and you let me live.
Lust: *shrug* Works for me.
Envy: And now I’ll show how creepy I am by becoming a stalker! *laughs maniacally*
Narrator: *stare*
Envy: Fine, I’ll wait for Part 2. *pouts*
Dûrinas: I’ll kill this kid and so I’ll have my own trilogy!
Beregond: No way! I want to have my own trilogy! I only appeared in one lousy book out of three!
Faramir: I appeared in just two of them.
Beregond: Stop complaining! You made it in the movies!
Dûrinas: Oh yes, I can see even now the blank stares of the FMA fan readers that will read your name.
Beregond: At least I’m a Canon Character, not some OC made up to die right about… now! (start fighting)
Dûrinas: Though we’ve already established I’m so old even my germs died of old age, I can put up a pretty good fight against a man at his prime. Yay for doping!
*clash, bang, fight*
Bergil: I died and I didn’t even have one line…
Beregond: (Darth Vader mode) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… oooh, shiny hand!
*poof*
Havoc: Lalala… I’m driving in the rain, trying to find my next victim to run over… cough, I mean, minding my own business. Argh! A bear!
*crash*
Al: Allow us to establish in a single page as many characters as possible. I’m the gentle younger brother.
Ed: I’m the constantly pissed older brother.
Riza: I’m the stoic henchwoman.
Ed: And let’s say for the record that Roy Mustang’s a bastard.
Al, Riza: And there you have it.
Maes: Wow, my first appearance and I’m not shoving pics of my family to anyone.
Ed: I’m just waiting for Roy to give me a reason to pummel him.
Roy: There’s a wacko on the loose killing women just so I could have a reason to call you here. He’s wearing armour, making it convenient for us to either blame Al or some random dude Havoc ran over. Which one would you rather have us do?
Ed: *fume*
Roy: Random dude Havoc ran over it is then.
Beregond: Don’t mind me, I’ll just be here pulling my best Harrison Ford in “About Henry” impersonation. *drool*
Roy: We need to form a strategy. This will have to be done through careful planning and much talk between us so nothing goes wrong.
Maes: Agreed.
Roy: So… (points at Maes, Havoc, and Al) you, you and you take turns in guarding random dude and Ed comes with me.
Beregond: That last part somehow sounds wrong.
Everyone: *stare*
Beregond: I mean… *drool*
Beregond: *drool*…
Al, Havoc, Maes: This is worse than doing social work.
Fawcette: I’m just an OC thrown in the mix because there’s no real villain coming up for while.
Roy: I’m here to show how good a commanding officer I am comparing to him and the other Original Villainous Character.
Ed: And I’m running around to find someone who won’t appear before the big emo moment anyway. Oh, here it is! *angsts big time*
Beregond: Keep it down, I’m trying to sleep here!
Al: *stare*
Beregond: Damn… cover blown.
Roy: Time to get some answers. Name?
Beregond: I like chocolate milk.
Roy: Oookay. Surname.
Beregond: I like chocolate milk!
Roy: Yes, I kind of cut that before.
Beregond: Can I have some chocolate milk?
Roy: What do I look like, your mother?
Beregond: Can I have some chocolate milk?
Roy: Doooooooooc! This weird guy wants some chocolate milk!
Doc: He can have some, he’s not lactose intolerant! And now, since I need the bed and he can move about on his own, you can all bugger off.
Beregond: I hate golden medallions. Hey… this one’s nice. It’s mine… my own… my precioussss…
Roy: It’s time to conspire! Ed, I choose you!
Ed: *grumble*
Roy: What was that?
Ed: Nothing, nothing…
Beregond: What to do, what to do… Oh, I know. I’ll start singing “one hundred bottles hanging on the wall” to kill time.
Roy: Argh! No! Anything but that!
Ed: (grabs Beregond) That’s it! You’re coming with me! Anything to stop that singing!
Al: (checks out Beregond) Well… he’s not cute, he’s not furry, I can’t cuddle him or pet him… but I guess he’ll do.
Beregond: And now for some toilet humour.
Ed, Al: Eeeeeeeeew!
Beregond: Worked like a charm.
Alice: Cliché no 1 … kids always know to trust the good guys.
Librarian: Watch out for me. I’ll even get a name at the next instalment.
Beregond: (makes puppy eyes)
Al: Awwww… he is cute! (scratches Beregond’s head)
Ed: *groan*
Maes: Blah, blah, blah… murderer conveniently mentioned for foreshadowing… blah…
Ed: Time for some angst. I’ll be in my room sulking and refusing to speak of my dark past.
Al: Even though I’m here and can tell everything anyway.
Ed: D’oh!
Roy: I’m reminding everyone of the existence of two Original Villainous Characters that the readers should be worried about them — even if the Original Villainous Characters hardly do anything but just whine how everything isn’t going their way.
Al: Leave my pet alone!
Ed: Leave Al’s pet alone!
Horse: Cliché no 2 … animals always know to trust the good guys.
Beregond: It’s been two weeks and I speak fluent Amestrian, even though it took me about 7 months to say just one word. There’s got to be some rational explanation.
Narrator: Got bored making you sound like a dork.
Beregond: I knew it.
Fuery: Falman and I are thrown in the mix to provide comic relief — or are we? *laughs maniacally*
Narrator: You’re manga-based, not psycho!
Fuery: (straightens glasses) Sorry.
Beregond: Lalala… I’m cleaning and do some male-male bonding, without minding the oxymoron of the situation… Ah! Alchemy! Teh ebul!!!!111!!!
Ed: No, it’s good alchemy! I’m a good guy, see? I’ll even reveal to you my dark past to show you how good I am.
Beregond: Soooo, because you thought you were good in Alchemy, you created a Frankenstein monster and you and your brother got your bodies maimed?
Ed: Yes.
Beregond: Sweet! I want to learn Alchemy too!
Ed, Al: Yay!
Beregond: Even though I can sit around the apartment all day, enjoying my retirement days away from strenuous, life-threatening work — I go get a job as a soldier anyway. Next thing I know, I’m gonna have to start studying for school and… HOLY SKUNKSWEAT! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Riza: Never object to a madman, they always say.
Guyton: Gahahahahahaha! *gets pwned*
Everyone: *cheer*
Beregond: Can I be part of the military too, even though I don’t know first thing about guns and contemporary basic training? And I also have some secret past I don’t want to reveal?
Roy: Sure! Just study a lot!
Beregond: Score!
Ed: Thirsty… water…
Beregond: (on just his boxers, a shirt and sunglasses and holding a broom for microphone) Don't try to take me to a disco/ You'd never even get me out on the floor/ In ten minutes I'll be late for the door/ I like that old time a-rock 'n' roll…
Ed: Not so thirsty anymore! (closes door in horror)
Beregond: Lalala… Roy Mustang gave his little black book to several high-ranking officers and now I’m two ranks above than I should be and working happily as Ed’s secretary.
Riza: Bereg–
Beregond: YOU WERE DEAD AND I WAS DEPRESSED — YOUR SISTER WANTED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!
Riza: *blink*
Havoc: I now get a promotion from comic relief to thoughtful guy who’s actually capable of offering good advice to despairing main characters. Go me!
Beregond: Even though I’m smart enough and claim I’m suffering from amnesia to avoid questions, I’m stupid enough to start telling of my past to Ed. *facepalm*
Fawcette: I haven’t met any worse apes than you.
Beregond: I see you haven’t attended your family reunion.
Fawcette: *fume*
Roy: Heh, what do you know. Messing with the time continuum has started having results. Here’s your letter-of-convenient-plot-device, Fullmetal.
Beregond: Superman has kryptonite, I have trains and cars. (screams like a girl and runs away)
May Shaughnessy: Though I seem pointless, I offer the key to foreshadowing and revelations! *laughs maniacally*
Ed, Al, Beregond: *stare*
May Shaughnessy: Sorry.
Al: Blah, blah… Philosopher’s Stone… foreshadowing… angst…
Ed: I look around for any clue on the Philosopher’s Stone, even though I normally wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole what the bastard of a father handled.
Beregond: Well, you and Al had your share of angst. It’s time for my own.
Ed and Al: Heh, you’re as screwed up as us. Join the club.
Beregond: Woot! Where do I sign?
Lust: Finally! We’ve made an appearance!
Envy: I’m so happy that I won’t kill Cray, even though he discovered that his priest is a hoax!
Gluttony: Can I eat him instead?
Envy and Lust: Sure!
Gluttony: Yay! (chomp, chomp)
Maes: I’m finally showing I’m not just a daughter-obsessed parent.
Roy: I’m finally showing that I’m not just a power hungry hyena with a god-complex.
Maes: Ed said that?
Roy: How’d you guess?
Ed, Al and Beregond: We were in the north and we’ve practically teleported in less than a chapter to the East, looking for Marcoh. Yay for scene economy.
Ed: Wait, I see some sparkles! Hide!
Armstrong: *sparkle*
Beregond: Oooh… shiny… *follows hypnotised*
Marcoh: Though I’m an angsty doctor with a traumatized past, I’m ready to shoot at a kid.
Al: Ack! Gun! Hey, wait a min…
Ed: I want your research, Dr. Marcoh!
Marcoh: Life sucks. Can’t help you.
Ed: Fine, if you’re going to be that way… LOOK BEHIND YOU, A THREE-HEADED MONKEY! *grabs vial* Oh, damn, butterfingers…
Narrator: There was already a villainous Brigadier General and I had to make one up! *facepalm*
Grand: Allow me to say every trivia there’s about the Philosopher’s stone.
Ed: Does that mean you will help me find it?
Grand: As if!
Scar: Even though the time continuum has been messed up, I still somehow manage to appear right about the same time canon dictates. *pwns Grand*
Ed, Marcoh, Al: RUN AWAY!
Armstrong: *sparkle* I’ll make the dynamic appearance that has been handed down in my family for generations!
Beregond: Cool! Can I watch?
(Ed grabs Beregond and they all run off)
Beregond: *grumble* Party-spoiler…
Marcoh: Blah, blah… Ishbal War… angst… red stone… more angst… blah, blah…
Ed: Allow me to say my first words of wisdom.
Al: Allow me to show how much I care for my brother.
Beregond: Allow me to say to Marcoh what a big meanie he is for not sharing life-threatening secrets.
Scar: Surprise!
Ed: And now cliché no. 3… Send away the sidekicks.
Scar: MORTAL KOMBAT!
Al: *pwned*
Ed: *pawned*
Beregond: Cliché no 4… Sidekick returns and saves the day! (fights Scar)
Ed: Cliché no. 5… or gets killed.
Beregond: Crap. *pwned*
Scar: (looks around) Helloooooo! I’m killing some people here and I’m doing it on purpose! Where’s cliché no 6?
Roy: Cavalry’s here! And the first one that cracks a joke about my choice of words will be flambéd.
Random soldier: Mufufufu… he said the cavalry’s here when his name is…
(Random soldier goes up in flames)
Riza: Time for some girl power!
Marcoh: Time to mess with the time continuum again. *leaves the scene*
Ed: Time to show that I’m not all that resentful to Mustang.
Roy: Time to show my so-noble-it’s-sickening inner plan.
Ed: Oh, damn… Beregond seems in a bad condition… Who cares, I have a train to catch!
Armstrong: I’m coming with you, Edward Elric! *sparkles*
Ed: Somehow I miss Beregond… *facepalm*
Marcoh: Safe at last!
Lust: The time continuum didn’t get that messed up, my dear Dr. Marcoh! *pwns*
Marcoh: Then I call upon the manga-continuum. I tell you what you want and you let me live.
Lust: *shrug* Works for me.
Envy: And now I’ll show how creepy I am by becoming a stalker! *laughs maniacally*
Narrator: *stare*
Envy: Fine, I’ll wait for Part 2. *pouts*
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